#book thoughts that keep me up at night

[acourtofquestions]

Rowan lingered in the steep hills above the southern entrance to the camp. He'd easily kept hidden from the sentries in the trees, his wind masking any trace of his scent.

Down below, spread across the grassy eastern plain, the army camp glittered.

She had to be there. Aelin had to be there.

If they had come so close but wound up being the very thing that had caused Maeve to take Aelin away again, to bring her along to the outpost...

Rowan pushed against the weight in his chest.

The bond within him lay dark and slumbering.

No indication of her proximity.

Essar had no idea that Aelin was being kept here until Elide informed her. How many others hadn't known? How well had Maeve hidden her?

If Aelin wasn't in that camp tomorrow, they'd find Cairn, at least. And get some answers then. Give him a taste of what he'd done--Rowan shut out the thought. He didn't let himself think of what had been done to her.

He'd do that tomorrow, when he saw Cairn.

When he repaid him for every moment of pain.

Overhead, the stars shone clear and bright, and though Mala had only once appeared to him at dawn, on the foothills across this very city, though she might be little more than a strange, mighty being from another world, he offered up a prayer anyway.

Then, he had begged Mala to protect Aelin from Maeve when they entered Doranelle, to give her strength and guidance, and to let her walk out alive. Then, he had begged Mala to let him remain with Aelin, the woman he loved. The goddess had been little more than a sunbeam in the rising dawn, and yet he had felt her smile at him.

Tonight, with only the cold fire of the stars for company, he begged her once more.

A curl of wind sent his prayer drifting to those stars, to the waxing moon silvering the camp, the river, the mountains.

He had killed his way across the world; he had gone to war and back more times than he cared to remember. And despite it all, despite the rage and despair and ice he'd wrapped around his heart, he'd still found Aelin. Every horizon he'd gazed toward, unable and unwilling to rest during those centuries, every mountain and ocean he'd seen and wondered what lay beyond... It had been her. It had been Aelin, the silent call of the mating bond driving him, even when he could not feel it.

They'd walked this dark path together back to the light. He would not let the road end here.

A small hole had been cut into the tent's ceiling.

And through it...

Aelin couldn't fight the trembling in her mouth at the night sky, at the pinpricks of light shining in.

Stars. Just two, but there were stars overhead.

The sky Itselt.

... It was not the heaviness of full night, but rather a murky, graying black.

Dawn. Likely an hour or so away, if the stars remained out. Perhaps she would last long enough to see sunlight.

Fenrys's eyes shot open, and he lifted his head, ears twitching.

Aelin took steadying breaths as Cairn shoved through the tent flaps, offering a glimpse of fires and lightening darkness beyond. Nothing else.

Dawn neared, the stars dimming one by one.

Rowan lurked by the southernmost entrance to the camp, his power thrumming.

Go, a quiet voice urged. Go now.

One last chance. She'd seen the stars overhead. It was as great a gift as any she'd received, greater than the jewels and gowns and art she'd once coveted and amassed in Rifthold. The last gift she would receive, if she played the hand she'd been dealt. If she played him right.

Essar's sister had advised to wait until dawn. When the shift was weakest. When she'd make sure certain guards didn't arrive on time. Go now.

That voice, warm and yet insistent, tugged.

Pushed him toward the camp.

Rowan bared his teeth, his breathing roughening. Lorcan and Gavriel would be waiting for the signal, a flare of his magic, when he got far enough into the camp.

Aelin huffed another laugh, haughty and cool, and gazed toward the ceiling, toward the lightening sky. The last she'd see, if she played this right.

Now, Prince.

He knew that voice, had felt its warmth. And if the Lady of Light herself whispered at his ear...

Rowan didn't give himself time to consider, to rage at the goddess who urged him to act but would gladly sacrifice his mate to the Lock.

So Rowan steeled himself, willing ice into his veins.

She ran--or tried to. With the chains at her feet, on her legs, she could barely walk, but she stumbled past him, knowing he was already twisting, already rising up.

Run-

Fenrys's eyes slid toward hers. Neither needed the silent code between them for the word she beheld in his gaze. The order and plea.

Run.

It was all she needed.

She scrambled to her feet, but halted. Fenrys, pinned by Cairn, met her gaze. Snarled in warning and command. Run.

Aelin ran.

Her weakened legs stumbled on the grass, her still-bound hands restricting the full range of motion, but she ran. Picked a direction, any direction but the river mists to her left, and ran.

The sun was rising, and the army camp... There was motion behind her. Shouting.

She blocked it out and aimed right. Toward the rising sun, as if it were Mala's own welcoming embrace.

[moonsnqil]

tell me i'm not the only one who regularly has this thought

[royaltea000]

I’ve never felt so conflicted about a franchise in my life but at least this dude was hot

[harukokittie]

I look for you all along the cracks in the wall..in between the lines…. Along the horizon as the sun sinks into the night, Venus following suit. I look for you in every pair of lips that meet mine, in tangles of limbs, forgotten jackets, uncomfortable chairs. They neither fit, nor do I want them too.

A man drives me in his sporty car tonight, a million miles a minute… He glances at me a ghost of a smile on his lips. He doesn’t mind that I talk about the stars, insects and all things this and that…He has already carved a me shaped spot into his unknowing heart. He will be like the others enamored of me while I stare out the window looking for slivers of you against the endless night.

[camellia-thea]

okay. just rambling here, but, i think armand took more than just the end of the interview away from daniel.

we got that little moment about that night, saying 'you asked me to' to louis. 'you asked me to take this from you, you could not live with it,' leading into, 'i look after you when you cannot look after yourself, i make those choices for you.'

we know that during the chase and devil's minion era, daniel was an addict, who was, by his own admission, slowly killing himself. he was also addicted to blood.

it's really not too far to make the jump, if devil's minion occurred, that armand made the choice to step in, in his own mind, for daniel's best interests. i know this isn't a unique jump to make, but; again with armand's "i look after him when he cannot look after himself" continual reiteration, i think it's a fair assumption.

he can also replace and blur memories, which makes the discussion of alice and paris -- why the dessert from that night? -- and how immediate and sincere his answer of "she wanted to say yes, but she didn't trust you. you hadn't given her a reason to." this could be the night he took them away, replaced himself with alice, planted something similar for her to start the relationship, then step back and watch it fall. and i think the thing that stands out there is just how tender he is while saying it. there's an undercurrent of something else entirely underneath, it isn't a dig at daniel in the moment, despite the pushing earlier in the scene.

and then in s1, when louis say to daniel, "i'd give it to you now." and the cut to armand, still in disguise, and his micro-expression of horror, the way he stiffens and looks away... and the little moment of what i read as conflict when daniel says no. his jump to "may i be excused?" i can't tell in the moment, if he's horrified about the offer itself, the fact that it is louis offering to turn daniel rather than himself, or the fact that daniel denies it. because i don't think armand could actually let daniel die if this was the case.

the disguise itself-- why pretend to be rashid? i think part of it is to try and hide behind a human persona to keep those memories at bay; especially given the little moments of flashback that got triggered by little mannerisms. i can't decide whether they're intentional pushes or not, whether armand wanted/wants daniel to remember on his own, or wants to keep it under wraps. i think, even if he believes he doesn't want it to come forward, he truly does deep down.

and once he's revealed himself as armand, the way he gazes at daniel, his beautiful boy. the continued "our boy", from both he and louis, the "he's still in there, somewhere..."

and i think "our boy" is also really interesting, because why would daniel be armand's boy, based solely on the moments that louis initially remembered? armand didn't really have any emotional connection to daniel that night, sure, he saved him, but that doesn't really mean anything; he saved daniel for louis, not for daniel's sake.

and, jumping back "our boy,[...] he's still in there somewhere"... there's implication that louis might know about it? again, i don't think this is related to the original interview, or at least, limited to it? i don't have anything concrete here, just vibes, but again, why is armand's boy still in there somewhere?

and sure, some of these are reaches and i don't think i'm necessarily right, but god it would be deliciously awful if i was.

[dye-it-rouge-et-noir]

"For particularly important things, it's always more reassuring to write them down like this." - Zhang Beihai

[ID in alt text]

[caffeinated-bibliophile]

Why do I keep picking up Riley Sager books

[kittlyns]

I had yet another long, strenuous day yesterday and didn't finish work until super late and then I couldn't fall asleep until well past 2am cuz I was in so much pain from standing literally all day

[navramanan]

I feel so horrible

[fragmentedblade]

I was reading yesterday about xiangqi and there was a mention about how the general is rather useless and even affects negatively your game at first, but ends up having a key role in setting up winning strategies towards the final stages, and it reminded me so much of Jing Yuan's role in the Xianzhou arc

[lalalalooost]

While I'm trying to understand Nesta, the others become a bit unreasonable, except for Cassian- of course. He somewhat knew everything- every inch of her, even her silence.

Her character development with Gwyn and Emerie, I think, is the start of being her true self. But her trauma response, especially towards her sisters, is the reason why I dislike her tho I understand where she is coming from so I don't dislike her fully.

I don't knowwww, just my thoughts while reading ACOSF.

[pallases]

okay i lied abt being done going thru old things ive spent the last like hour and a half clearing out my drawers bc they are a MESS and i found a “song book” of mine and it gets dark so unnervingly fast

[magnoliamyrrh]

like truly i find this americans generation insistance on this stupid idea that sex trafficking and talking about trafficking is conspiratorial propaganda so fucking gross and offensive and uncaring. bc its all satanist worshipping baby eating illuminati cults far right propaganda blah blah blah

neverminddd how this shit is offensive to hear as someone whose been through it, nevermind being from the balkans because the western europeans hold the exact same brainrot when it comes to us and our issues. american has a huge trafficking issue. absolutely huge. hell even our romanian women get trafficked to this place. california, south in particular, is one of the top states for trafficking if not the top, so idk what the fuck all these california ppl are running their mouth abt all these years (privilege)

and you know whose most impacted by sex trafficking in america, predictebly? women of colour. indigenous women and girls (high poverty rates in reservations, high rate of depression, alcholism, suicidality etc, racism, skrinking reservations etc. included in this issue the high rates of girls and women going missing and/or being killed on/near reservations), south america women and their children who may be trafficked at any point before they reach america, but also at the american border while they try to cross as some cayotes are sex traffickers (and bc of the poverty many immigrants and undocumented immigrants experience, as well as the lack of cultural knowledge making them even more vulnerable). Black women and girls from what i know are statistically hardest hit by the sex trafficking thing, some studies say at the same level as Indigenous women (40% of total both) because god knows this country hasn't dealt them enough hardship already; here all the same sort of factors are at play as in previous cases. The economically and racially disadvantaged, which live in a system which seeks to keep them down in a million ways and to exploit them continously, are hit hardest. Racial fetishization and degradion from johns and pimps also plays into this. All this is combined with the fact that bc its women and girls of colour, often police and media and society dont want to give a single shit - these cases and issues and this suffering goes unnoticed, unacknowledged, uncarwd for

Here's the thing. if this generation cared, theyd KNOW just how many trafficking cases come to light in california, in america. they would Know that every time they come out, many times many of the girls or women or both are of colour. They would Know that indigenous women are going missing at terrifying rates. they would know that most sex trafficking victims & (child) prostitutes are of colour. theyd know that most times when i see cases of american ex-prostitutes being assaulted or killed, theyre of colour. Many are white american girls as well, who also, big surprise, tend to come from the lower classes, the foster system, homelessness, abusive families, or other disadvantaged and vulnerable positions.

Except despite how damn woke this generation is and how everyone loves to pay lip service to "listen to marginalized women blah blah" "intersectionality blah blah blah" no one wants to give a shit about the whole damn sexual slavery issue this country has. and in fact they want to pretend it barely exists at all, the fabrication of republicans with their pizza gate. or they want to pretend it doesnt exist at all bc you see some well off onlyfans model said sex work is empowering and like most sex workers choose it so like you see like, its all good like, stop shaming sex workers like, stop, like, being so putitanical. jfccc

this. isnt feminism, its not intersectional feminism, its not any sort of feminism. its not any sort of woke or progressive or caring. this. its having the privilege of denying the uncomfortable reality which just so happens to hit societies most marginalized and vulnerable women and girls in one of the most horrifying ways. pretending like its conspirational propaganda is such a gross way to talk about this because outside of the general ignorance, it adds a layer of outright denying the severity of the pain and suffering at hand, on top of the sex work bullshit being pulled. wtf

[husbandhoshi]

this is not pandering but i would ship you hard with haechan tbh it would be good back and forth banter. two smart clever sly witty people like googly eyed in love with each other. his is more of an open fawning and he likes it when you play with his feelings a little bit just to tease him

PLEASEEEEE MADS THIS FULLY MAKES ME DELUSIONAL….. I AM FULLY INSANE. YOU CANT SAY THESE THINGS TO ME…

[xx-vergil-xx]

(2/2)

Anyway this was just to say that the line of Hob being the closed end of parenthesis made me more emotional than anything has any right to do because what is one part of the parenthesis if its partner is missing and would you look at that I made myself cry again.

Sorry for throwing this in your inbox and I'm sorry for any mistakes in spelling because I actually can't see my keyboard very well gfhjfghhfg I am off to sit in a dark room and try to gather myself. thank you for this wonderful story and gift you've given the sandman and dreamling fandom ily and Hounds ever so much <3

(p.s this is bookbinding anon btw, who I know you found but I'm always too embarrassed to ask things off of anon so here we are)

hello book binder!! <3 <3 <3 responding to both parts of ur ask in one here bc u rlly made me sit down and. think. about parentheses. my favorite thing in the world is when someone like shares their literal galaxy brain analysis of something w me it is such a gift to hear ur thoughts im like. my god. the implication of losing the opening parenthesis. to be only an end without a start. jesus christ. im actually in deep physical and emotional Agonies about that now holy hell.

thank you so very much for not only ur like genius tier thoughts which have left me physically shaking but also for ur immensely kind words about my writing!! all my love <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

[reginaofdoctorwho]

my ex boyfriend's friend asked me out